


Kept Playing Love Like It Was Just a Game

by Errant_Thoughts



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-04-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Errant_Thoughts/pseuds/Errant_Thoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s 2am, Matt. And you’re drunk.”<br/>“So?”<br/>“I’ve got to be up in 2 hours, darling. We have filming at 5.”<br/>“Oh, we could do lots in 2 hours, Kingston,” Matt said with a smirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is officially my first fic. No idea how many chapters there will be, we'll just see what happens!  
> Also, as the story progresses the rating may or may not go up.

Alex woke up to a knock on her door. She rolled over to look at the clock: 2am. Her alarm would be going off in two hours. Who the hell would be knocking at this hour? She closed her eyes, intending to ignore the rude person at her door, when the knock sounded again. This time it was accompanied by a surprisingly loud, “Alex? Alex are you home?”. She knew that voice. It had a hesitance she wasn’t used to, and the words seemed more fluid than normal. Sighing, she put on a dressing gown and made her way to the door.

“Matt, what’s going on?” she asked the figure in her doorway as he pushed his way inside.

“Just wanted to see you, Kingston,” Matt slurred. “Is that not allowed?”

“It’s 2am, Matt. And you’re drunk.”

“So?”

“I’ve got to be up in 2 hours, darling. We have filming at 5.”

“Oh, we could do lots in 2 hours, Kingston,” Matt said with a smirk.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Yes, like go to bed.” It took her a minute to realize what she’d said. Matt’s smirk grew wider and Alex added quickly, “Separately, of course.”

“Of course.” He winked at Alex and took a step toward her.

“Matt, go home. You’re drunk.” Alex stepped back and found herself backed into a wall.

“Maybe that was intentional, Kingston.” He took another step toward her, pinning her to the wall. “Maybe I needed a little liquid courage,” his voice had become softer, deeper, but his words were becoming clearer. He reached his arms out and placed them gently on Alex’s hips.

She gasped, momentarily lost for words as her much younger co-star was seemingly coming on to her. As her mind raced with all the reasons this was a horrible situation – the age difference, they work together, he’s drunk, etc- she felt her face getting warm and a shiver go through her body at Matt’s gentle touch.

Alex shook her head to try and clear the racing thoughts from it, and brought her hands to his chest to keep him from getting closer than he already was. Her eyes moved up to meet Matt’s. They were dark, intense with a mix of alcohol and lust, and the picture took her breath away.

 _Why is this a bad idea?_ She thought to herself. _It could just be a one-off right? No harm done?_ She sighed, and shook her head more vehemently. No. This couldn’t be a one-off. Things with her were never just a one-off. Especially not at her age, and not with her history.

She looked into his eyes again and said softly, “Matt, you really need to go”. There was no conviction in her voice, and she could tell by the upward turn of his lips that he understood.

“You don’t want me to go, Alex. And I don’t want to. I want you.” He began slowly running his hands up her body to her waist, pulling her toward him. Alex’s breath caught in her throat as Matt leaned in, closing the distance between the two of them.

His mouth met hers much more timidly than she’d expected, which made it even harder for her to resist. So she didn’t. She relaxed into his touch for a slow, languid kiss. Matt’s mouth opened over hers and his tongue traced over her bottom lip slowly before delving inside her mouth. His hands wound round her back and held her close, and Alex slid her hands from his chest up around his neck where she let them hang loosely.

It took everything she had not to knot her fingers in his hair and take his lip between her teeth. She refrained from grinding her hips into his as well. The kiss was enough of a mixed signal; she didn’t need him getting any more ideas.

Surprisingly, Matt was the first to pull away. Alex opened her eyes slowly and tried incredibly hard not to smile. That kiss had to be the only kiss between them that wasn’t for the show. She ran her eyes quickly over Matt’s face before focusing again on his eyes, steeling herself for the speech she had to make.

Before she could get a word out Matt spoke. “Told you.” He smiled his goofy, childish smile, and Alex took a deep breath.

“That was a mistake, Matt. I shouldn’t have let you do that.”  
           

“Oh? Then why are you arms still wrapped around my neck, Kingston?” He waggled his eyebrows at her and chuckled as she pulled her arms back into her own personal space. “I’ll get you one day, Alex. Trust me. In a moment of weakness you will realize that this could work. That’s all I need. One moment of weakness.”

“You just saw one. And while the kiss was lovely, it’s the only one you’re going to get unless Steven says otherwise.” Matt took a step back from her then, seemingly wounded.

“Well you seem adamant,” he said.

“That’s because I am, darling.”

“Alright then. Looks like the liquid courage simply helped me make a fool of myself. I’ll let you sleep.”

Alex crossed her arms, sure Matt was just trying to get some sympathy. “It’s about time, Smith,” she smiled.

Matt hung his head and started toward the door. “See you in the morning, darling,” she called to him as he reached for the doorknob.

“Yeah, see you,” he replied.

As the door shut behind him, Alex made her way back to her bedroom. Thankfully that exchange had only robbed her of a half hour of precious sleep. As she crawled into bed she replayed Matt’s exit in her mind and a little voice spoke up, saying, _What if he really was hurt by your dismissal?_ Alex told herself that was impossible- Matt could have anyone he wanted, he didn’t need to come after her. _People are always telling you you’re a catch; maybe Matt thinks so too?_ No, that couldn’t be it. He could have  anyone. She wouldn’t be his first choice. She pushed the voice out of her mind as she closed her eyes, telling herself she’d talk to Matt in the morning to put the whole thing behind them. If he remembered any of it, that is. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glancing at the clock and realizing he only had half an hour to get ready and head to work, he groaned and threw the covers off. Maybe she won’t say anything, he thought. Maybe she’ll be professional and just let it go. Matt decided to just follow Alex’s lead. If she wants to pretend it didn’t happen, that’s perfectly fine with him.

Matt opened his eyes and immediately covered his head in blankets. He had to be on set in 45 minutes but his lack of sleep was going to make that incredibly difficult, not to mention having to face Alex.

He couldn’t understand why he’d done what he did last night. Everything was perfect before that had happened. Sure, he didn’t have Alex in the precise way he wanted, but he had her friendship and that was better than nothing. Now he’s not sure what he’s going to have. He might have ruined it all with a stupid, rash decision.

Why would someone like Alex even be attracted to someone like him? When he’d realized his feelings for her were more than mere boyish attraction that was his first thought: nothing would ever become of it because she was so far out of his league. But as they continued working together and their friendship blossomed into something raw that he’d never really experienced, he began to hope. It would take some convincing on his part but he was determined. After last night, though, he may have to revise his plan of attack. His one step forward backfired into several steps back, at least.

Glancing at the clock and realizing he only had half an hour to get ready and head to work, he groaned and threw the covers off. _Maybe she won’t say anything_ , he thought. _Maybe she’ll be professional and just let it go_. Matt decided to just follow Alex’s lead. If she wants to pretend it didn’t happen, that’s perfectly fine with him.

***

He walked onto the set only ten minutes late and made a beeline for the coffee machine. Three hours of sleep and Alex’s rebuff had left him tired, grumpy, and in desperate need of caffeine.

“You going to leave any for the rest of the world, mate?” a male voice asked as Matt poured the entire full pot of coffee into a styrofoam cup and started another pot.

“The rest of the world doesn’t need it as badly as I do, Arthur,” Matt grumbled back.

“Oh? What happened then? You take the party home after you left the bar last night?”

“Not exactly,” Matt sighed.

“Matt, you didn’t,” Arthur looked at his friend with a mixture of pity and frustration. “I told you that was a bad idea.”

“Yeah, well, you were right. I kissed her, though,” he smiled despite the seemingly bleak situation.

“Well you’ve done that before,” Arthur chuckled.

“Not off-camera. And she kissed me back. She’s fighting, but there’s no conviction. I can see it in her eyes.”

“Then keep pushing her. That can only end well, right?”

Matt hit Arthur in the arm and absentmindedly starting looking around the set. There she was, talking to one of the crew as she often did, looking far too gorgeous at 5:30 in the morning. He chugged what was left in his cup, refilled it, and made his way over to her chanting in his head: _Be normal. Everything is fine. It’s just Alex_.

“How’s the head this morning, darling?” she said as he reached her.

“Alright, considering,” he grinned. _See? Fine. She doesn’t hate you._

“You went a bit rogue last night. How much do you remember?”

Matt took advantage of the set-up she’d given him to assume innocence and see her side of the night’s events.“Not a whole lot, to be honest.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t do anything too embarrassing did I?”

“Nothing that can’t be forgiven,” Alex smirked. “You did kiss me.”

Matt feigned shock and then decided to use the opening to his advantage. “And how was that for you, Kingston?” _Good. Flirting was good,_ he thought.

“It was all right for me, darling,” she flirted back. “It seemed you rather enjoyed it, though.”

“Who wouldn’t enjoy kissing you?” Matt quickly shot back.

Alex smiled sweetly at him in a way that seemed like she didn’t believe him. She hadn’t called him out on it, but then she wouldn’t do that publicly would she?  She was much too professional for that.

The day passed slowly as Matt waited for the penny in the air to drop and his story to unravel before him. Alex flirted as usual and he tried his best to reciprocate but it took twice as much energy as usual to produce the same effect.

When the director called the end of the day he practically flew to his trailer to change and get off the set as quickly as possible in an effort to avoid Alex. He was pulling on his shoes when a knock sounded.   
“Matt?” a very muffled, feminine voice sounded through the door. “May I come in?”

Alex. Damn. He’d been so close to escaping without another awkwardly flirtatious conversation. “Um, yeah, just a second,” he called out to her. He opened the door and said, “Alex. I’d invite you in but I’m actually in a rush to get home. Did you need something?”

Alex seemed taken aback at his curt speech and took a few steps away from the door to let Matt pass. “Nothing important, darling,” she said. “I just wondered if we could talk about last night.” She looked down at her feet as she mentioned Matt’s drunken escapade and Matt stopped walking to look down at her.

“Are you alright?” he asked, forcing her to look at him.

“Of course, sweetie. Just a long day is all.” She smiled up at him but it didn’t reach her eyes.

He wondered what could be wrong, but decided to let her speak. He’d decided to follow her lead, and here she was handing it to him on a silver platter.

Alex took a deep breath, but they kept walking in silence until Matt nudged her gently on the shoulder.

“You were pretty drunk last night, Matt,” she started slowly.

“Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that,” he replied, running a hand through his hair distractedly. “I’d been out with Arthur and some friends and I don’t really know what happened. Guess I lost count of the drinks.”

“Hmm,” Alex said in reply. “Well if you can’t remember anything from last night I guess we should just let it go. There’s no loss there, right?”

Matt hesitated. What was she doing? It’s like she was toying with him- deciding whether or not to let him off the hook. Did he really want to be let off the hook, though? Last night was a failure, and he wasn’t going to get another shot at it any time soon. Should he let it go?

He let out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “No loss, Kingston,” he said. “You’re doing me a favor in letting me get away this easy, I’m sure. I would have slapped me if I were you.” He tried for a smile and Alex laughed breezily next to him. 

“Well that’s that, then,” she said. “I’ll let you get on to whatever you had planned, darling. Thanks for the chat.”

Matt waved her off with a goodnight and picked up his pace, eager to get to his flat and crawl into bed. He needed a good night’s sleep if he was going to make it through the rest of the week pretending everything was perfectly fine. Of course Alex wasn’t going to suddenly profess her love for him. Of course she was going to be kind and let him off easily. Not even a ‘shame on you’ or ‘cheeky boy’ to tease him. He should have known better. Now he was back to square one, and Alex is much more experienced and far too kind to play his silly game. The pieces have gone back to their starting points and Matt is unsure where to begin again, if he even wants to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! There have been some health-related problems but those are out of the way, at least for now. Chapter 3 won't be far behind, I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked at her earnestly, trying to find the courage to say what he wanted to say. Alex just looked at him, the perfect picture of a gentle, inviting confidante and Matt couldn’t hold back anymore. “I love you,” he blurted out quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, my apologies for taking so long. Also, my apologies for what you're about to read. I have a feeling you won't like me very much. However, the next chapter is already on its way!

Alex sat on the couch in her flat, curled up with a cup of tea and a blanket, staring at the wall. Going over the events of the day in her head, she tried to figure out what was going on in Matt’s head. He was off today on set, like something was wrong. He wasn’t as forthcoming with the flirtatious comments, and that obnoxious smile that normally lit his face was dimmer than Alex had ever seen it.

She took a sip of her tea and continued staring at the wall. She had to let it go. It wasn’t her place to say anything, really. Matt got drunk, did something stupid, and now it was over.

She felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter at that word. Over. It’s funny how much of an effect it had on her considering things had never gotten started in the first place. And why should they? The age difference alone was enough of a deterrent for Matt, Alex was sure. Then add on the fact that she had a child and it was pretty much a done deal. He loved seeing Salome when she came to visit, but Alex couldn’t imagine him being overly thrilled at the idea of being her father.

***

As she continued poring over the many reasons against pursuing any kind of affair with Matt, there was a timid knock on her door.

“Come in,” she called. “Door’s open.”

She looked toward the door and quickly covered up a small gasp when she realized who was walking through.

“Matt!” she spluttered. He smiled sheepishly as he made his way to the couch and sat down on the end opposite her.

“Hello, Kingston,” he said, his smile growing wider at the look of surprise on her face.

“I thought you had somewhere to be?” she asked, registering how rude the question sounded only after she’d finished asking it. “Not that I’m upset you’re here, darling, of course. You just seemed in rather a hurry earlier.”

Matt looked down at his hands, wringing them together as though he were having a hell of a mental battle. After a minute or two he looked up at Alex and sighed. “About that,” he said, defeat in his voice. “I wasn’t totally honest with you today.”

“Oh?” Alex’s eyes opened wider in further surprise. She knew prodding him probably wasn’t best, but her curiosity got the better of her. “What weren’t you being honest about?”

“Well, you asked how much I remembered of last night,” he began. “Truth is, I actually remember all of it.”

Alex shuddered. If he remembered all of it, then that means he remembered the kiss. And her part in it. After all, it wasn’t really an innocent kiss, and she’d been half the reason for that. If he remembered all of it, why had he pretended otherwise this morning? Did he regret the kiss? _Probably_ , the little voice in her mind said. _Oh, shut up_ , she thought back.

“Alex?” Matt asked. Alex shook herself out of her mental argument and looked up at him. “Are you very cross with me for lying?”

“Not cross, really,” Alex answered slowly. “Confused, though. Why did you lie?”

“I’d have thought that was obvious. Bruised ego.”

Alex nodded her head silently in response. She hadn’t been the kindest person as she attempted to get him to leave, though in her defense he had been quite persistent.

“Your ego really shouldn’t be bruised, sweetie,” she started. “You got me to kiss you back if I remember correctly.”

“Yes, well, you caught yourself eventually. And I can tell you I don’t ever want to be the cause of your anger again,” Matt laughed.

Alex smiled and chuckled along with him but she was too busy arguing with herself again to make it seem very authentic. Matt called her name softly, leaning his head in to try and catch her gaze. When she continued her refusal to look him in the eye his hand reached for her chin and pulled it upwards.

Her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were intense, rimmed in shadow from lack of sleep and other various life stresses. The pupils were darker than she remembered them, and his jaw was set so tightly that she thought she’d somehow angered him with her silence. As they continued to latch eyes, Alex’s ability to speak disappeared completely and she was left to simply stare at her young co-star and his deliciously full lips. The ones he was currently running his tongue across. That sinful tongue, which she had caught herself thinking of at random times throughout the day. That miniscule, unimportant muscle that had drawn her lip into his mouth the night before, then mapped the inside of her mouth as though he never wanted to stop. 

Her breath hitched again as her eyes darted back up to his and she saw them focused on her own lips. Matt closed his eyes and let his head fall so that he was staring at his lap. His hand left Alex’s chin and ran through his hair as he sighed.

“I don’t know what to do about you,” he said finally.

“What do you mean?” Alex’s breath was shallow, as though she’d just been out jogging, and her mind was still focused on Matt’s mouth. He seemed frustrated, though, and put out. And it was her fault. All she wanted in the world was to make him smile again, be the cause of that instead of this sadness that was slowly engulfing her cheeky friend. And she had no idea how to do that.

“I’ve had this secret, Alex, for a while, and I have no idea what to do with it. Telling you could change everything. That’s a good thing on one hand, but if it doesn’t go as planned, then it’s the worst possible thing that could happen.” He looked at her earnestly, trying to find the courage to say what he wanted to say. Alex just looked at him, the perfect picture of a gentle, inviting confidante and Matt couldn’t hold back anymore. “I love you,” he blurted out quickly.

He said it so softly Alex could barely believe she hadn’t imagined it, but the redness in his cheeks and the fear in his eyes was something she couldn’t deny. Matt loved her. He thought he loved her. They’d never spent much time off set together alone, always with Arthur and Karen or Steven and Sue, so how on earth could he love her? He barely knew her. But he looked at her so intently, waiting for her response, that she couldn’t help but give him the benefit of the doubt. No matter how ridiculous it seemed.

Without saying anything, she lifted her head to his, meeting his lips gently as she wound her hands around his neck and pulled him closer to her. Matt stilled in shock, surprised at Alex’s movement, but only for a second. He deepened the kiss, moaning into her mouth as one hand cupped her face and the other wound its way into her hair.

Alex had no idea what she was doing. Hadn’t she decided getting involved was a horrible idea? There were so many reasons not to do precisely what she was doing, and she had no idea how she had gotten herself into this position. She was leading Matt on, _again_ , and it was only going to cause further problems in the future. She needed to stop. Now.

Just as Alex began to pull back, one of Matt’s hands began to move lower. It followed the line of her neck down to her shoulder, as though he were trying to pull her in even closer. As she pulled back, though, his hand brushed against her breast and Alex gasped.

***

Alex opened her eyes and tried to register where she was. Staring straight ahead, the grey wall looked familiar. The generic painting hanging above the large, overly ornate armoire that housed an old television was vaguely familiar as well. And then she understood. Pushing herself into a seated position on the sofa, Alex looked down to see what had woken her: the cup she’d been holding had fallen out of her hands and crashed onto the floor with a loud clunk.

 _Oh_ , she thought _, that was just a dream._ Her subconscious was playing tricks on her, and it was all Matt’s fault. She had been perfectly fine ignoring any ounce of attraction she felt for the young man until he had to go and show up on her doorstep drunk. Now she had no idea what to do. She couldn’t be _in love_ with the man, for the same reasons her dream had argued he couldn’t love her. She had even more reasons than that, really. But what did it mean? What was she supposed to do, ignore it?

 _Or don’t,_ her subconscious murmured. _Do something about it_. But what? Alex needed to figure out exactly how far she wanted to take this, and how to go about doing it. A friendship and job was on the line, and she didn’t want to ruin either one. 


End file.
